I adopted both my babies in my 30’s.  Adoption is a tricky process that leads to all types of feelings you never knew you had. Especially when it’s your first baby.  Just like motherhood.  

All I wanted was my baby, but without the physical sense that most moms get – a baby slowly growing inside one’s belly with a date of arrival, even an ambiguous one, I felt like I was standing still, with the scenery flying by.

Jewel came out with this song in 2001 as I was waiting, pining for my baby.  The video doesn’t tell my story, but the lyrics do, at least my manipulation of it.  And the chorus makes me cry every time.

Do you love me
Like I love you?

Or am I standing still
Beneath the darkened sky
Or am I standing still
With the scenery flying by
Or am I standing still
Out of the corner
Of my eye
Was that you
Passing me by?

My baby is now a strong, talented and smart (oh, so smart) seven year old boy. I wonder if he were to ever hear to this song, would the lyrics spark a wondering about his birth mother?

Oh, how I love my boy.  He’s one of the biggest blessings of my 40 years.

And I haven’t stood still since he showed up.