House newly painted
New House
August 19th, 2009Calendar Test
April 1st, 2009Cub Scouts
January 7th, 2009Recently, Kelli blogged about Dalton being at a Crossroad and some of the struggles we face as parents with a child that is just a little different than the other kids that are around him. She got some wonderful responses to that post. Among them, an old friend of ours from high school suggested we look at Cub Scouts for Dalton. What a fantastic idea… So tonight, we went to our first pack meeting. Kelli and I weren’t really sure what we were going to be getting into, but it turns out to be a really sweet group that we are a part of. Dalton knows some of the boys in the group so they are used to him as he is. There are also a couple of other kids who seem to have challenges of their own so it’s a diverse little group.
Dalton loved every minute of it, naturally, it was a social event. He just jumps right in and makes himself part of the group. By the end of the evening, he couldn’t wait to find out when he’d get his uniform, neckerchief, and book. I believe he felt the store should have been open tonight for us to get it. The downside is this evil thing they call Pinewood Derby… Not sure at all what to think about that. This Saturday there is an opportunity to go to one of the other scout members house as he has power tools. How interesting it will be to take a turn on the scroll saw. My first turn ever… I’ll be lucky to come out of it with the right number of digits, let alone a car that will actually roll anywhere. I just might have to enlist a friend at work to help, he’s much more crafty than me. 
I’m sure Kelli will be letting you know how it goes. But let me just tell you, it is really warming to see your son sift into a group so easily. Kelli and I are super-sensitive to the way people react to Dalton, especially his peers. Tonight was a blessing. Not only did the adults just let him jump right in, the kids did too. We’ll see where this goes, but it was a great start.
Grandma Harness
December 24th, 2008Kelli’s grandmother passed away today and it has really been a difficult day for she and her brother Jon. (Jon lives with us currently) You know, it’s not as if we didn’t know the day was coming, and likely sooner than later, but it is still a difficult thing. It’s easy, I guess, to rationalize death in that it is going to happen regardless of how hard we try for it not to happen, so we simplify it down to what our emotions can handle. What we forget is that the life is a person who has provided years and years of memories. That’s what end up making things so difficult. I can say that it was not a surprise that Grandmother Harness passed away and I can say without doubt that she is so much better now alongside her Lord and Savior. But, I can also say that those left with memories are a little less now to Heaven’s gain.
Grandma Harness was such a grandma, that’s all I ever knew her as. She was probably one of the three best cooks I have ever had cook for me (my mother in law and wife being the other two). She was a servant and was always ready to help, prepare, give to, whatever need was at hand. She had a sly sense of humor and you’d often catch her in the back of the room just tickled over something or someone she was watching. She always had a hug and a kind word for me. Most important though, she LOVED my wife and boys. Unconditionally and unreserved. She used to watch Dallas when he was little until one day Kelli came home and Dallas had started the bed on fire. That was it for her and babysitting him. But, she still loved him like crazy. I will never forget the gathering before Kelli and I left Arkansas in ‘99. Grandma Harness pulled me to the side and we were chatting. She looked me in the eye and told me to be sure and take care of Kelli Ann, and her boys. Nothing else really was important other than I do that for her. Well, I intend to hold to that promise and do all that I can.
I will miss Grandma Harness and all that she brought to the family. She has left a tremendous legacy that will be difficult to live up to. But, as I would imagine she would say in her understated way, take care of your family regardless and put the Lord at the head.
Roots
October 1st, 2008When I left high school, I left for good. I was not one of those people who decided it would be a good idea to hang around the next year and ease out of it. Instead, I applied to a college away from home, moved, and started anew. I still did have some hooks to my school, it wasn’t a perfectly clean break. I was dating a girl at the time who was a senior at my high school. The relationship was doomed to fail though, because I had decided I needed to move on. Looking back at that now, I’m not really sure what my hang-ups were at the time. I know I was ready to be beyond the high school things and was anxious for college and the different challenges that offered. I wasn’t unhappy in high school, quite the opposite really. I was in a smaller school, relatively popular, at least liked anyway, and overall happy with things. I’ve thought a lot about why I just cut out though, I think it’s important so I can help my boys as they grow up.
My conclusion is that I’m a person that had no roots. I mean this in a relational way, not physically, although I did move a number of times growing up. The key was, the moves were at critical times. I started at new schools in the 7th grade, the 10th grade, and the 11th grade. These were not generally little changes in my life, but big moves to places I really did not know anyone. At each stop, I had to drop in and assimilate to a new environment. I had to meet new people and navigate new waters. If you’ve done that a few times, you’ll probably understand the following to be true. With each new place you drop into, there is a part of you that wants this to be the final landing place, a place you can sink into and get to know people and really make a place for yourself. However, at the same time, you are forced to realize that this too might be just a stopping point and who knows where next year will be. This in turn causes a person, at least it did me, to really try and gather a lot of superficial friendships and one, or maybe two, that is a little deeper. For me, I would generally latch onto someone else who was relatively new and we would connect pretty well as outsiders. Looking at the grades I moved, I realize now it’s because in school transition years, 7th grade and 10th grade, are years where kids start new school chapters living on the merits of the prior. For example, many 10th graders just starting high school, come into it with a group that they were successful with and had history with from junior high. When you start a new school though, it’s just that, new. No history, only what you make it up to be. The more you move, the more you make up your history and really the less you take root with people around you. What’s the point really, I’ll just be moving again, is the general thought. At least I believe that was the way I thought.
Don’t misunderstand, I do have friends still from most of the time periods, but I can say that the relationships are generally not that tight. I have nothing really to look back on and build from. My times with people were sounds bites rather than conversations. What does that mean now and why is that an issue now? Well, really I guess it is more or less just me trying to understand what makes me the person I am and what I can do to help my kids be more of a person than I am. I am a relationship averse person. I don’t seek them out, I have a hard time putting effort into them, I don’t always understand the necessity for them. In my mind, I have my wife and my boys and that’s really all I need, or at least that’s what I tell myself. I have begun to realize though that in looking at my life, it’s a fairly lonely place to be. Now, don’t worry too much about me, I’ve accepted who I am and the shortcomings I’ve put in place, but I want more for my boys.
I have many prayers for my boys and they range from the simple things such as finding success to the more personal things such as prayers that they prepare themselves wisely for their chosen mates. I pray that they have a heart and empathy for others and for those less privileged. I pray that they will be happy in the things they choose to do. I have not prayed however, that they make roots and relationships that will last them a lifetime. I have not prayed for the friends they have now to be strong and lifelong. Friends that can help them, encourage them, chastise them, etc… I should do that. The older I get and the more I look back, I realize that this is as important as anything else I pray for. Perhaps I should pray that I can find a relationship as well, I’m not sure that it’s possible at this point, but for my kids, I think it’s the right thing to do.
A Good Weekend
September 28th, 2008Dallas and Davis both had good sports weekends this weekend. Dallas had a soccer game and ended up in a tie 2-2. The team played a bad first half but saw through it and played a great second half and overtime to get the tie. Davis had a football game and his team won 34-19 and overcame some bad kickoff return coverage to get the win. However, the weekend was really greatest because of the activities today with our church.
Our church has an annual can drive to collect canned food for the needy and today was the day we went door to door to collect. We were assigned a group that consisted of the Van Ess clan and a couple others. Dallas and David walked the neighborhood with an older gentleman from our church and it was really an awesome thing for their mom and I to watch. We have always tried to teach our kids to talk to adults by looking at them and not mumbling. Certainly not like their dad who is the mumbling king. Just watching them walk and talk to the people on our team was really neat. Of course Dalton had the best time of all of us. I truly believe that he has no greater joy than walking up to a stranger and talking to them. This afternoon presented him an opportunity to go to all these new houses and meet all these new people. How can anyone turn down such a smiling enthusiastic boy?!!
The games are fun and winning is just as much fun, but the true joy in life, for a parent, is seeing your kids do things that are eternal and giving and reflective of all the time spent talking to them about values. It couldn’t have been a more blessed weekend!!
Interesting
September 28th, 2008Elections
September 26th, 2008Part of the fun of having a teenager is that they wake up one day and are interested in things going on in the world around them. In a way, it’s like they wake up one day and realize there is this world going on outside the house and by gosh, it just might have some impact on them. My 15 year old is in the election discovery mode at the moment. Now, I wouldn’t categorize him just yet as a junkie, but he is interested in the candidates and what they stand for. He also seems to have some very core beliefs and has positioned that to the people he thinks are most worthy. He is extremely black and white about it at this point and really gets indignant when considering the opponent and why they are not the choice any rational person would make. I really have to temper myself because I’m sure that’s just how I was growing up and I know that even today, I’m generally right in my opinion. 
That said, this is the last election that Dallas will not take part in. I can’t believe that, but it’s true. So, it’s my responsibility to start teaching him what I think a good voter is and what they should do. The beauty of our election process is that every so often, we get to physically voice our opinion by selecting a candidate to put into office. If I don’t like the one there, I have the right to pick a new one. I can vote with a party or I can vote for an issue, it’s up to me. Generally I have a pretty good idea who I’ll vote for in a given election, at least for the higher offices. The fun part though is voting for the people you know little about. I love to read the election guide that tells me a persons story and affiliation and other things about them. It’s fun to read and decide.
I think this time though, I’ll have Dallas help me with it and let him have some input on who is chosen and go through the process. I think he’ll enjoy that and it will be something that helps him later. I can remember when I was young, probably around 12 or so, my mom was involved in the governors campaign in Arkansas. She was on the committee to elect Frank White who was running against Bill Clinton at the time. We went to meetings and rallys all around and by the time election day rolled around, we were in a fever pitch. I can clearly remember watching the results roll in that night and was overjoyed when White actually defeated Clinton in something of an upset. Since that day, I’ve always enjoyed watching the political shows leading up to elections and all the demagoguery that surrounds them. I think it will be fun to go through this with my son now.
I would also encourage everyone who has the right to vote to stop and do the same. It’s your chance to be part of the process and to take part in what is your right and what is also your obligation.
Kids games
September 23rd, 2008I went and watched Dallas play a soccer game today. He’s goalie for his high school team this year. The game was over in just a few minutes really as the Cedar Park (North Sound) team way overmatched the visitors. Later, Dallas and I were driving home and he thanked me for coming even though he didn’t’ have to make any saves and the game was really pretty boring. I explained to him that it really didn’t matter to me whether he made 30 of the worlds best saves or just looked good waiting for action, I love watching him play sports. Really, no matter the activity, I love to watch my kids. One day, he’ll have kids of his own, Lord willing, and he’ll understand that.
Really, for me, it’s only been in the past 3 years or so that I have really started to love watching each of my boys play in their sports. Don’t misunderstand, I have always enjoyed watching them play and very rarely have missed a game. But the passion is different. I’d probably tell you that it was because they are playing at a level now that is more fun to watch. Depending on the day, I might also tell you that it’s because they are getting older and there are only a limited number of chances left to watch them play. The truth is likely somewhere in the middle. All I know is that on game days, I spend time at work just counting down to leaving to go watch them play. If you know me, you’ll understand the personal change that statement means.
There are so many emotions that come into play when watching them play, but that’s a conversation for another day. Suffice to say, pride is what mostly comes to mind and really, I’m proud that they are just taking part, and maybe secretly for that world class save.
Fall
September 22nd, 2008I always love the changing seasons. Whenever the day comes that it goes from one to the next, I like to talk to my boys about it. The conversation is usually the same and we discuss how the changing season is an opportunity for the Lord to show off with a few months of something entirely different than the last. I realize that there are places this might not be the case, but I’d reckon that wherever you go, there are seasons that come and go. It might be rainy and dry or cold and hot, but they do occur and they are an opportunity for each of us to reflect and look ahead at the same time. So, since it’s now fall, I thought it would be good to actually lay out what I think using that as a guide.
With each passing season, we should take a few minutes, hours, or whatever time is necessary to do the following:
F – File away the passing season and all that transpired. The new season is a chance for a fresh start. No need to wait for the start of a new year or anything that annual, take this time to recommit to that thing you have been putting off. Maybe it’s your quiet time, maybe it’s a prayer time, maybe it’s time with your kids. Whatever it is, file away the old and begin the fresh and new.
A – Assess where you are and where you would like to be going. No time like the present to take stock and see where you stand. This again doesn’t have to be the dramatic life changing behaviors, but should be a good look inside to see where you stand. What can you do better, what can you let go of, what should you continue that is good. Take stock…
L – Leave the baggage to the last season. Did you ever notice that sports teams call a new year a season? When they start this new season, they put aside all the failures of the previous season and start with a fresh slate. At the same time, they also put aside all the victories of the past season and start with a new passion to succeed all over again. We should do the same. Enjoy and remember the past victories and hate and learn from the past failures, but take the opportunity to start fresh. I believe that’s one reason God gave us seasons and we should take advantage of them.
L – Live new. There are so many things over time that consume us. As we get older and have more and more responsibility, we often get mired in the daily grind. Take the new season as an opportunity to live fresh. To me, that means to take the time to really stop and enjoy the things we get to do. For me, it’s watching my kids play sports or helping with their schoolwork. Whatever it is, if we don’t learn to live in a fresh way, we will be destined to be glum and stale.
So there you go. I love the changing seasons because they are an opportunity. I certainly have a lot to work on and to refresh. Just as I tell my boys to FALL into a new season, I should do the same. As should you…